Cry If I Want To

You would cry to if it happened to you.

Today, we saw some of our things for the first time since the fire. It's been eleven months now. I had forgotten I owned some of that stuff.

It was incredibly emotional for me- seeing our stuff unpacked from massive crates, still covered in soot and ash, still smelling like house fire.

That is a distinct smell ya know...house fire. It's the heady aroma of burnt insulation and charred wiring.

Three of our many, many crates at the warehouse.

Some of our belongings, those that the insurance company or fire restoration experts thought could be salvaged, were taken to a warehouse to be cleaned. That was the week of September 21, 2011. In reality, what was taken has been sitting in a warehouse, packed into boxes and crates, waiting on us to move home again. A few weeks before we move, they will clean our things and treat them with ozone to help remove the odor. What was not taken to the warehouse or to another warehouse that is cleaning our fabric items, was thrown into dumpsters. Six dumpsters.

Where is our 'stuff'? It's a toss up. Might be in this warehouse. Might be in that one. Might be in the dump. Who knows.

In the days following our fire, we waded through our home in disposable uniforms, latex gloves, and respirator masks collecting the things we didn't want to part with. We took our photos, searched for the boy's class ring, a favorite teddy bear, and Great-Grandpa's wallet. After that, I think we kind of walked away and let it all go. We had to. We had to grieve and let go. 

So, today...there it was again. Our stuff. And it was all fresh again. The smell, the destruction, the loss. 

Our furniture, removed from the crates. 

It will all just clean right up! Right?

Um...no. 

Chair.

Check out the spindles in one of our chairs. Our house was super heated. Everything baked. Wood and extreme heat do not mix. Unless you're using the wood to fuel the fire. Then you're in good shape. 

I really don't want that chair back, even if you could clean the soot and remove the odor.

This was exactly what we expected to see. We have seen our entire home disassembled and we've seen what shape the framework was in after all that heat. And yet, it was so painful. 

Our pine armoire (and our cute little scarecrow!) before the fire.

This was our big, rustic pine cabinet before the fire.

And this, is that same cabinet now-

Post fire. 

The wood is cracked and split like dry kindling.

Inside the cabinet. 

Yuck.

Cabinet doors...with...sap?

Sigh. 

We'll be having a long talk with the insurance company.   We had replacement cost in our policy. Not clean-and-send-back-damaged cost.

Ah well. Tomorrow is a new day. 

Let's look on the bright side. New furniture!