I seem to be having a difficult time finding my Christmas
spirit this year. I’m not sure why. I’m
back in my warm, cozy home. This whole house fire mess is behind me. It’s
Christmas for heaven’s sake. Where is my spirit?
I thought perhaps it had gotten packed into a moving box but
I checked every box and I couldn’t find it anywhere. I bought some jingle bells
for my purse because you know…every time a bell rings an angel gets its wings
and all. That didn’t help.
Then I remembered what brings out Christmas spirit. It’s
singing! I need to sing!
Come on! Sing with me! Ready? Here we go:
♫♫♪♫ ♪
On the first day of Christmas the house fire gave to me:
A stair with no carpeting
♪♫♪♫
On the second day of
Christmas the house fire gave to me:
2 belligerent contractors and
A stair with no
carpeting (One stair?)
♫♪♪♪♫
On the third day of Christmas the house fire gave to me:
3 unfinished rooms
2 belligerent contractors (Seriously?) and
A stair with no carpeting (What the??)
♫♪♫♪
On the fourth day of Christmas the house fire gave to me:
4 useless insurance reps
3 unfinished rooms (The shower door didn’t come in?)
2 belligerent contractors (That behavior is totally
inappropriate!) and
A stair with no carpeting (But…why?)
♪♪♫♫♫
On the fifth day of Christmas the house fire gave to me:
5 cabinets not installed
4 useless insurance reps
(Why won’t they call us back?)
3 unfinished rooms (What do you mean we can’t install the
toilet yet?)
2 belligerent contractors (You didn’t finish the job, dude!)
and
A stair with no carpeting (ONE STAIR?)
♫♪♫♪♪♫
On the sixth day of Christmas the house fire gave to me:
6 court cases pending
5 cabinets not installed (Where are the drawer pulls?)
4 useless insurance reps (That’s not even half the money!)
3 unfinished rooms (He didn’t bring the other cabinets,
why?)
2 belligerent contractors (You don’t get paid for incomplete
work!) and
A stair with no carpeting (You’ve got to be kidding me.)
♪♪♪♫♪
On the seventh day of Christmas the house fire gave to me:
7 weeks waiting for an insurance check
6 court cases pending (You can’t withhold our deposit!)
5 cabinets not installed (Um…what about the office
shelving?)
4 useless insurance reps (No water in the basement?)
3 unfinished rooms (Well…when will the caulking be done?)
2 belligerent contractors (I’m not paying your materials
fee!) and
A stair with no carpeting (Was he drinking?)
♫♪♫♫
On the eighth day of Christmas the house fire gave to me:
8 months of storage fees
7 weeks waiting for an insurance check (What do you mean you
won’t do the inspection?)
6 court cases pending (No, you don’t get full pay for an
incomplete job.)
5 cabinets not installed (No backsplashes? Didn’t we order
backsplashes?)
4 useless insurance reps (How can a pumper truck of water
not leak into the basement?)
3 unfinished rooms (Oh my gaawwd, the house will NEVER be
finished.)
2 belligerent contractors (We already paid you $3,000,
buddy!) and
A stair with no carpeting (How do you not carpet one stair?)
♪♪♫♪♫
On the ninth day of Christmas the house fire gave to me:
9 windows without curtains
8 months of storage fees (Unlimited free storage does not
end in August!)
7 weeks waiting for an insurance check (Three weeks for
another inspection date?)
6 court cases pending (That wouldn’t even pass inspection.)
5 cabinets not installed (They forgot to paint that!)
4 useless insurance reps
(What is taking them so long?)
3 unfinished rooms (I’m not looking at them anymore.)
2 belligerent contractors (You ran over the neighbor’s
mailbox!) and
A stair with no carpeting (Oh my gaaawwwd. Why? WHY?)
♪♫♫♪
On the tenth day of Christmas the house fire gave to me:
10 psychotic meltdowns
9 windows without curtains (The neighbors can see
everything!)
8 months of storage fees (We’re storing crap that still smells
like fire!)
7 weeks waiting for an insurance check (But the check didn’t
come on the Fed-X truck today.)
6 court cases pending (Unbelievable.)
5 cabinets not installed (You’ve got to be kidding me.)
4 useless insurance reps
(What do you mean heat doesn’t crack wood?)
3 unfinished rooms (Out of sight, out of mind.)
2 belligerent contractors (This is harassment!) and
A stair with no carpeting (It’s one freaking stair!)
♫♪♪♪♫
On the eleventh day of Christmas the house fire gave to me:
11 temper tantrums
10 psychotic meltdowns (I just want to cry.)
9 windows without curtains (How did we run out of money before
we bought curtains?)
8 months of storage fees (Our clothing multiplied!)
7 weeks waiting for an insurance check (You mailed it when?)
6 court cases pending
(You can’t charge your personal tools to our materials account!)
5 cabinets not installed (You will not get the final payment
up front!)
4 useless insurance reps (A fabric care expert? With a Master’s
degree? In what? Stink?)
3 unfinished rooms (Ugh!)
2 belligerent contractors(Get off our property!) and
A stair with no carpeting (Ow! There are carpet tacks exposed
on that blasted stair!)
♫♪♫♫♫♪
On the twelfth day of Christmas the house fire gave to me:
12 pages of contents inventory
11 temper tantrums (I just want this !@*! to be over
already! Stupid freakin’ crock pot.)
10 psychotic meltdowns (Do not eff up my packing system! I
will hurt you.)
9 windows without curtains (Who are those people and why are
they slowing down to stare at us?)
8 months of storage fees (Surely, we did NOT own all that!)
7 weeks waiting for an insurance check (You mailed it
where?)
6 court cases pending (I will be more than happy to file
suit on you too lint licker!)
5 cabinets not installed (Dude, seriously. No more cash
until the job is complete.)
4 useless insurance reps (Speak to our public adjuster!)
3 unfinished rooms (Damn contractors.)
2 belligerent contractors (Yes, we will see you in court!) and
A stair with no carpeting (Where is that carpet guy? I’m
fixing to take a carpet tack strip to his hide.)
Merry Christmas.
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