The Lights Are On, But Nobody Is Home

We're so close. So, so close.

And yet...we're not at the finish line.

This, was the week we were going to be moving. I took the week off work. We are not moving. 

I could list all of the reasons we are not ready to move in yet, but really...it's just too exhausting. So, instead I shall show you all of the great things that are happening.

Jai checking out the new/old house.

We took the dogs to visit the house. That's a good thing? Yes. Yes it is. I was really not sure if the dogs would feel the same way we would about returning home. We arrived home last year to find our house burning. We went to a hotel that night, understanding on a basic level that we would repair our home and live in it once again. The dogs on the other hand, were in the house while it was burning. What they likely remember of that house is being trapped in a burning inferno, choking on smoke, smoke alarms blaring in their ears, and strangers in big suits carrying them out in a daze. As far as they know, the house ceased to exist that night. 

Jai was thrilled to see the house again. He pulled me into every room and sniffed every single corner and when he was satisfied that every room was committed to memory once again he flopped down on the family room floor as if he'd never left. And he left a nice puddle on the sidewalk to let all the neighborhood dogs know this was still his territory. I was incredibly happy to know he was not scared to go back home.

Doors!

Another great thing? 

DOORS! We have doors! 

Trim!

And trim too! 

Just some paint and tile and I can park a sofa right there in front of those windows!

Ah. But do you see paint? No. No you don't. 

There is rock though! Woohoo!

Okay. So they're a little dusty. That's okay. They're going to be beautiful on my fireplace. Long before I have time to post again this ugly red brick...

...will be covered with beautiful river rock.

I am going to love that new fireplace. But in all honesty, I'd take the ugly red brick back in a heartbeat. A house fire is a rough way to remodel. I do not recommend it. 

Tomorrow, the tile will arrive and the plumbing fixtures will arrive. I will be packing. The paint will not arrive yet. 

I cannot control the arrival of materials or the folks who will install them. That is killing me. So, this week I'm going to take control of the one thing I can control. I am going to pack. 

When the paint is up and the tile is down I will have the house packed up and ready to move. My house is waiting for me. I know this because the porch light is on again, welcoming us home. 

(Just ignore the house wrap and lack of siding. Siding, apparently, is not required prior to the big move. If I can ignore it, so can you.)  

Whoa...The Weekend is Over?

The weekend went by like a whirlwind. First, there was the Friday night football game. I put on my purple Chuck Taylor's and dumped all of my game-going gear in my purple varsity-lettered Retro-Metro bag and ran like crazy to make the pre-game show.

The biggest girl and her Color Guard besties performed like rockstars in the pre-game show and I was all "Go Girls!"

And then my littlest girls cheered their hearts out as junior cheerleaders for the whole 1st quarter and I was all "Awww!"

And then the football players ran the ball and I sat on the bleachers and it was 40 degrees and I was all "Blast! It's Too Flippin' Cold For Football!"

And then, as half-time finally rolled around (because somehow in football world 9 minutes can take, like 25 minutes) it was time to run and pick the middle child up at the middle school dance so I totally missed the half-time performance and I was all "Dammit!"

But, that's okay because I had, you know...two more freeze-yo-rump-off opportunities to watch that show over the weekend.

We followed some of the band to Winsteads and enjoyed hot chocolate and fries and the kids dipped their fries INTO their hot chocolate and I was all "Why Do I Eat With You People?!"

And then I was in bed all warm and cozy and all of sudden "RING RING RING RING RING RING!!!!" because it was already Saturday and I was all "Filth and Filth and Foul."

The Big Guy dropped Tuna off at the band bus loading site because he is way better with mornings than I am and he doesn't need makeup to leave the house that early. I raced like crazy to get to the first performance of the day and when I pulled into the stadium just in time to follow our band in I was all "I AM the Bomb!"

I ran from the performance to my volunteer post as a gate bouncer and when I actually had to bounce a grown man who tried to bully his way past me I was all "Don't Mess With the Tired Fat Woman Because I Will Take You Down!"

Still angry at that asshat (thank you so much fellow co-worker for embedding that term into my brain) for his audacity, I scarfed down something from Sonic and raced to meet up with the rest of the family so we could get Tuna dropped off at the second band bus loading site for the day and follow them across town for a competition. I was all "Whose Idea Was This Schedule Anyway?!"

By the time my rump was officially acclimated to the cold bleachers and my snot was frozen the announcer began calling out the winners of  the competition and our high school Color Guard took their first award and the band cleaned up with several awards and was announced the 2012 Grand Champion of the marching festival and I was all "YEAH!" and  as the band marched off the field singing "Hey, Hey Baby...I Wanna Kno o o o o w if I Can Be Your Girl" I was in absolute perfect awe of my wonderful, crazy, busy, life.

And then, a few hours later, at an all-night restaurant with some really happy, giggling Color Guard girls I was all "Whose Idea Was Dinner Anyway?" and "Can We Sleep NOW?"

The weekend was so insane that I hardly had time to think about the house and that was a really nice break.

The run-on sentence crazy whirlwind weekend is over now and life is once again punctuated in short staccato bursts.

"Don't forget to pay the rent for the refrigerator."

"The electrician didn't run the lead wire for the A/C unit."

"Did the painter confirm?"

"They're sanding the overspray."

"Insurance meeting on Wednesday."

Ah...back to rebuilding.
 

How to Clean the Family Room

It is 1:00 a.m. and I am sitting with a child in the emergency room. (No worries, we are all okay. Just one of the dips on the roller coaster we call life.) I need to finish up some work, but my brain is so sleep and/or caffeine deprived that I can not seem to function properly. In my sleep and caffeine deprived slap-happy state of stupid, I have decided it would be a great time to write a blog post.

I'm sure I will regret this tomorrow.

Before the trip to the ER began, the whole family was engaged in a power house cleaning, which really got me to thinking about how we do things in our house. And in my sleepy-stupid state I'm wondering if other people do things the way we do 'round here.

I don't know if y'all do it this way or not, but I'm pretty sure my way is the best way. So here you go...

How to Clean the Family Room: Limitleless Lisa Style 

Step 1-

Call all 5 kids into the family room to begin cleaning. 

Step 2-

Call all 5 kids back into the family room to begin cleaning. 

Step 3- 

Scream for all 5 kids to get back in the family room. 

Dare them to leave again before it is clean. 

Discuss with one child whether in fact the room is dirty and whether in fact any of the items in the room do indeed belong to her. 

Discuss with another child why the room must get cleaned now.

Try to figure out where the other 3 went while you were distracted. (They are slick that way.)

Step 4- 

While mumbling obscenities, walk around the family room and throw everything that does NOT belong in the family room into the floor. 

Hair bands, silly putty, hanger, skull-printed duct tape, American Girl doll hat, toenail clippers, school ID, tights, odd sock, hair comb, jeans, kitchen scissors, bead, library book, flip-flop (wait, that was mine), cell phone, cookie, half of an Easter egg, hair brush, dog leash (that's where that thing was!) and a wad of paper towel- throw it all out there, right in the middle of the floor. 

Demand that everything be picked up and put in the proper place immediately!

Step 5- 

Walk around family room and remove 90% of the items that were just in the middle of the floor from the various nooks and crannies the kids have stuffed them into. Throw it all back into the middle of the floor. 

Call all 5 kids BACK into the family room. 

Ground one from after-school activities for refusing to help. 

Ground one from phone for mumbling obscenities. (Where DO they learn that nasty language anyway?!)   

Promise to throw away anything that remains in the floor. (Except that flip-flop. That's mine.)   

Step 6- 

Pick up remaining 5 items and dump them in the trash can. 

Send crying kids to bed. 

That's it. Room clean. Easy peasy. 

What? That's not how you do it at your house?

Surprise, Surprise, Surprise

Constantly striving to do the right thing. That's the motto of our insurance company. They say nothing of the time frame in which they will strive to do the right thing. In our case, they've been striving for 371 days.

Today, day number 371, they had a little slip up. They informed our 'living solutions' agent that they would no longer be paying our extended living expenses. This was not what we expected per previous conversations, but...

SURPRISE!

The living solutions leasing company called to say they will be out to pick up their items tomorrow. I was rendered momentarily speechless. Their items consist of our beds, table, refrigerator, towels, iron, bedding, sofas, TVs, end tables, dressers, dishes, silverware, and lamps.

True, I have purchased all of those items now but they are all packed, or in storage at various furniture and mattress warehouses. There is no possible way we can get them here by tomorrow. Our best option is to pay out-of-pocket at our expense to keep the furniture- $1,700 for another month- and then try to work with the insurance company to reimburse us for the expense. It's that, or sleep on the floor tomorrow night and put the milk in an ice chest.

Since they've held up our construction process multiple times while their agents failed to cut checks, failed to release the proper amounts, demanded additional inspections while the work ground to a halt, and of course took excessive vacations, I'm sure they will strive to do the right thing here.

Pft.

But hey, that was not the end of surprises in our day. No, no.

You know that moment in the shower when you have soap all over your face? That moment when your temporarily blind while you rinse your face? That moment just before you reach for the towel so you can see again? That moment was the precise moment that I fell through the shower floor today.

Surprise!

Yep. I heard a big crack and then instantly I was thrown off balance in my temporary soap-blindness as I suddenly plunged a few inches below the level of the shower floor. For the love of all things! What is it with us and rental house showers?!

But wait...

There's more!

A month or so ago (we've lost all ability to keep track of anything except the number of days we've lived out of our home) the Big Guy took Tuna to her very last orthopedic appointment. Or so we thought. Our two-year love affair with the orthopedic clinic had come to an end. At that appointment, the surgeon mentioned that she might have this additional issue somewhere down the line and he scribbled the name of the condition and a surgeon who could fix it on her last x-ray.

Fast forward to this week. Tuna injured her knee last week and needed to see a different orthopedic doctor and while she was there this week, she discussed the current tenderness and pain she is feeling in her previously broken hip. This doctor repeated the name of the new condition and suggested scheduling for surgery when she was ready. She insisted she was not anywhere near ready and did not intend to have another surgery.

Surprise!

She was so wrong. She is ready now. Turns out that hip is really hurting pretty bad and she stayed home from school today which is really unusual for her. After much discussion, she has agreed that the surgery should be scheduled as soon as she is back from her big marching band trip mid-October.  We are hoping some serious medications can buy us a few more weeks to get our house finished and get her through the last of the season's marching competitions.

Our little SCFE with her slipped capital femoral epiphysis is now our little FIA with a femoroacetabular impingement. FIA just doesn't have the same ring as SCFE (skiffy). It will no doubt be a household word for us though as we add it to her list of surgeries. We're going to need to attach additional sheets of paper to her school health forms next year just to get it all listed.

I'm wondering if those handicap grab bars come in oil-rubbed bronze to match our new bathroom?

Well...surprise, surprise, surprise. Another setback with the insurance company. Another issue with the shower in a rental house. Another surgery.

Deja vu. It's like living in Groundhog Day.

Say What?

A day in the life of fire restoration:

(Ring, Ring)
Big Guy: Hey! We're gonna have to  have to put the tub faucet in the middle of the tub. It's the only way we can run it. You okay with that?
Me: Um...didn't you just say you have to put it there?
Big Guy: Yes.
Me: Okay then. Why did you call?


(Ring, Ring)
Big Guy: Hey! We were thinkin'...what if we put the knobs in one corner of the tub and put the faucet in the other?

Now hold on a minute...

Let's think this one through.

This wading pool bath tub is a mere 4 foot by 6 foot. Yes. I'd like to walk to one side of the bathroom to turn on the water, and then walk to the other side of the bathroom to test the water temperature. Um...hells to the no. 

Me: Y'all need to quit thinkin'. 

And then there was this little gem:

The Big guy speaks English and the sheetrock crew speaks Spanish. No matter. Apparently 'What The Flip?' is universal. We all understood the question marks nailed up on that scrap of sheetrock. That scrap said "what the flip are we supposed to do with that?" 

But hey...

Somebody just grabbed a saw and carved out space for that wiring to be tucked into and the sheetrock went on up because...

Around here we just KEEP CALM AND SHEETROCK ON.

  

Yup.

Keep Calm and...

One year ago today, September 21, 2011, fire destroyed our home.

Our crock pot shorted out and started a fire that would destroy our home.

My oldest daughter called screaming in terror  for me to come home. The kids took refuge with a neighbor while the Big Guy shouted instructions to the firemen about where our pets were located.

The fire department reported the fire as fully engaged and called for 2 additional trucks from a neighboring fire department for support. They assigned one unit to pet rescue and drained a pumper truck of water into our home. It took 8 minutes to contain the flames.

I drove in frenzy to reach my family. I found my family, shook up but safe...the dogs black with soot and suffering heat exhaustion...and the house...

Destroyed. 

The ceilings and walls black with soot. Fixtures melted and contorted. 

Sap running out of the wood. 

Furniture burned and melted.

Insulation and water and broken glass everywhere. 

The destruction took my breath away. 

It's been a year. We've lived in two hotels. We've lived in two rental houses. We've lived in limbo. No stability. We've lost nearly every tangible memory we'd collected in our two decades  together. 

This fire has rocked our world. It has mangled a year of our lives. It has made me angry, sad, scared, insecure, frustrated...you name it, I've probably felt it. We all have. 

There are days when we want to scream "STOP THIS RIDE I WANT TO GET OFF NOW!" 

But that wouldn't really work. 

So, we just...  

Keep calm and sheetrock on!

Keep CALM and sheetrock on!

Keep CALM and SHEETROCK on!

Keep CALM and SHEETROCK ON!

Come on! Say it with us!

KEEP CALM AND SHEETROCK ON!!

Soon

It's been another busy, busy day!

The whole day turned inside out when the school nurse called to tell me Tuna had twisted her knee and fallen in P.E. and thought she might have hurt her hip. After the whole broken hip ordeal and the two screws she sports in that hip, we don't take falls lightly. I stopped work and took her to urgent care since the Big Guy was tied up with the sheetrock crew and a fixtures delivery.

It's not supposed to be that way. The Big Guy would normally handle doctor's visits while I work, but nothing is normal anymore.

I'm writing this post in the car, on our way to dinner at almost 9 o'clock.

We usually eat dinner out because we don't have adequate space to store food for our herd of 7. Plus, our rented refrigerator doesn't keep food well. And, we don't have any place for all 7 of us to sit and I'm determined that through this disaster we will sit together for meals as much as possible. We're going to maintain some sort of normal if it kills us!

So, that pretty much sums up where we are apart from the house right now. Tuna is out of P.E. and Color Guard activities until we follow up with an orthopedic doc (because the ortho department is our second home),  and we have more physical therapy ahead. We are all sick of eating out and we all hate the rental house with a growing passion. I am exhausted and frustrated from trying to manage 5 kids and a job while juggling endless lists and tile samples. The Big Guy is exhausted from keeping all of the work moving and fighting the insurance company over every board, nail, and brick.

We are all so over this mess. There is this sort of restless, agitated atmosphere among us that threatens to overtake what remains of our emotional stability. We're just two days short of being out of our home one year. It's still surreal.

But...the journey is almost over. I can see the end now. I can actually visualize my home again, because there are actual spaces and rooms.

Master bath.

The wading pool bath tub arrived! And...they got it in without tearing any walls out! And...there are even some walls up in there! I like it!

Upstairs bath.

The walls are really looking good. 

Upstairs bedroom. 

Soon, we'll be ready for paint! And lights! And then I can actually get good photos! The house is so much darker now that the sun is not actually shining through the walls.

Check this guy out:

I have serious respect for anyone brave enough to carry giant pieces of sheetrock around, on stilts, with a nail gun in hand, while stepping over boxes and debris and extension cords. You have to be some kind of hard core to do this job. Or just bat shit crazy. 

Movie night while Daddy works on the house.

Soon, so very soon, the kids will sit in the family room on an actual sofa, and watch a movie on a TV, not a laptop screen. 

Soon, we'll shop for groceries again, and actually have a place to store them. 

Soon, we'll return the rented 8-piece dish set and we'll have enough dishes of our own to eat lunch and dinner before we run the dishwasher. 

Soon, we'll bathe with big, fluffy, colored bath towels again. 

Soon, our kids will walk out the door in the morning and get on a school bus, in their own neighborhood, with their friends. 

Soon, this will all be over.  

Soon.