Thursday, January 28, 2016

Train, Derailed

Gosh, I've really missed this space. I didn't plan to leave it alone for this long. I was having a great time, slowly recapping our vacation and putting our itinerary and memories into words here for posterity. I was working and back in college and the blog was a bit neglected, but then all of a sudden...four months slipped by. Now, here we are with four months of dead air and an unfinished vacation recap that should have happened months ago. I was really struggling with keeping up with the kids and the two courses I was taking in October, but I was chugging along like the little train that could. And then my train derailed and we took a wild ride.

Depression and anxiety reared their ugly heads among my teenagers. One of the kids suffered second and third degree burns in a work accident. Our big dog, Jai took another bout of bronchitis - a recurring health issue after our house fire- and the sweet old boy just didn't have the strength left to fight it again. We lost him the next day. Just a few days later, we learned that the Big Guy's brother was in the emergency room, and then the ICU, and then hospice. Less than two days from being admitted, he passed away. We carried on empty through a funeral and Thanksgiving. Our oldest daughter and her boyfriend were hit by a truck; the driver was texting. The boyfriend required emergency surgery and spent a significant amount of time at the hospital. We were consumed with grief and worry, and completely exhausted. I had dropped one course and was hanging by a thread in the other one. Then, my dad took a turn for the worse. He had been fighting stage 4 pancreatic cancer for almost two years and while he fought like a champ, his fighting days were over. December 14, he passed away at home with my mother. We had traveled to my hometown to see him before he passed and we made a quick trip back to pick up more kids and headed right back for the funeral.

Seriously. All that happened. In just a few months.    

We traveled back from the celebration of life service just days before Christmas. We put up the tree on Christmas Eve and coasted through Christmas on fumes. Then we just collapsed through the new year. I went back to school in early January and we just plowed right back into life.

So here we are. Everything from mid-October to late December is just a blur. Soon, I'll come back here and write. I need to relive the vacation through writing. It will be good for my spirits. But right now, I'm just not feeling it. And that's ok. I've got the train back on the track. I just need some time to build up momentum and find my voice again.  

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