Sunday, March 24, 2013

15 Reasons I Love Snow in March

  1. There are no chiggers biting at my feet leaving me with nasty red, itchy welts that take weeks to heal. 
  2. I'm not sweating. No stinky, sweaty clothes. 
  3. No fireworks. No one is shooting flaming arrows into the sky above me or my house. 
  4. No mosquitoes. See number 1. 
  5. No spiders dropping from trees or crawling in my car. (Shuddering.)
  6. I don't have to stress about my old toenail polish or how yucky my heels look because hey, I can wear lug bottom, fur-lined Skechers. 
  7. No tornado warnings. 
  8. Only the Big Guy knows if I didn't shave today. 
  9. The snow is so pretty!
  10. More time spent indoors means less time looking at my un-sided house.
  11. I don't have to think about the wrecked landscaping quite yet. 
  12. Jeans, wool coats, fuzzy socks, and flannel lounge shirts appeal to my fabulous tastes in fashion. Okay, maybe not but they do nurture my soul. 
  13. Cold weather means more comfort foods! Can we say hot chocolate, beef stew, and warm mac & cheese? Oh yes. 
  14. Things get cancelled. No after school activities and no evening events. It's an opportunity to stay home and recoup. 
  15. The snow covers a multitude of sins. It even makes the big post-fire construction dumpster look nicer. 


Thursday, March 21, 2013

Man on a Motorcycle

The Fish performed in her 7th grade orchestra concert this week.

She was so nervous but the concert was absolutely wonderful. We also listened to the 8th grade orchestra concert. And the Bridges orchestra concert. And the Concert orchestra concert. And the Symphonic orchestra concert. Whew.  That was a long concert. 

I was well prepared for keeping two little sisters content and quiet through all those performances. I had a bag full of fidget toys. My absolute favorite fidget toy is the Tangle. I sat Little Bean and Rough Stuff between me and Tuna and brought out the Tangles. 

We made all sorts of fun shapes and the girls were so very, very quiet!

They sat there quietly twisting and tangling. 

And then Rough Stuff twisted her Tangle into this:

And that was the end of the quiet. 

She was using this shape as a bow to play her air violin which meant it was careening wildly through the air in a quite inappropriate motion. I looked over and gasped. 

I gave her the mom look and I shook my head and tried to look disgusted but Tuna and Little Bean were getting the giggles and then the nice ladies behind us began to giggle and all hope was lost. 

I motioned for her to scrunch it up with my hand but that only brought more hysterical giggles. 

That is a man on a motorcycle by the way. What were you thinking?

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

On the Road Again

Last week's schedule was an ugly beast. It kicked off with a visit to the orthopedic surgeon to check out the Big Guy's damaged ligaments. Tuesday there was a field trip for Rough Stuff and we celebrated the Boy's birthday with a dinner out. (Yes, his birthday was in January. We are that far behind around here.) (Oh, stop it. He did get a laptop for his 18th birthday, we just didn't get around to dinner. Save your judgment for bigger issues. I have plenty to offer!)

Wednesday brought a visit to the pediatric orthopedic surgeon to check on Tuna's hip surgery recovery. She got to chuck the crutches and is walking beautifully. Thursday brought a field trip for Little Bean and that ended with a call from the teacher. She apparently went down the twisty slide and twisted her neck. The teacher called, the ambulance was on the way, and we drove the half hour drive to meet them in 15 minutes. We spent 5 hours at the ER (our second home) while the doctor worked on her sprained muscles. She is living on ibuprofen.

Then Friday we met the nurse who taught us how to give our terrified Fish  the Human Growth Hormone injections. There were tears and queasy tummies all around, but I did manage to get that first needle into my violently sobbing target and successfully inject the first of several hundred doses. (And we all lived to tell the tale.) I also managed to work nearly 40 hours in the midst of all that chaos and have conversations with our new specialty pharmacy, medication fulfillment specialist, nurse, and patient care representative. I was exhausted. I wanted to just pack the whole nasty week up and sweep it right out the front door.

So, you'll understand why I decided if we survived the week we were getting the heck out of Dodge come Saturday morning. We needed to do something fun to kick off spring break. We've been putting off a trip to see my Great Aunt for several years. We've been waiting on the right moment and obviously the right moment is not something we are destined to experience so it was time to just make it happen. I packed a small bag late Friday night and told the girls to pack clean jammies and a change of clothes and we booked a hotel room. 

Saturday morning we were on the road and Tuna played On the Road Again every single time the van left a parking space. Every. Single. Time. Little Bean made sure her Jessie dolls saw everything as we drove through the Flint Hills.

We counted silos and cursed the rain and sang 80s songs really loud. Three hours later we were off the turnpike and nearing my Great Aunt's house. I told the kids it was time to get out all of their ugliness. I said "get it out now! Every fart. Every burp. Every potty-mouth word. Get it all out. Because you will not embarrass me in front of this sweet lady." My Great Aunt is 86 and I really didn't think she would find their brand of humor funny. 

We rode in silence for about five minutes. Suddenly, the silence was interrupted with a piercing "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDGE!" (Or something very close.) I let off the gas and gripped the steering wheel tight, eyes scanning the road and mirrors. I wasn't sure if Tuna was in some kind of serious pain or if I had just run over a small child. She looked at me as if nothing had happened and the car remained eerily silent as we tried to take in what had just occurred. 

Then she launched into a run-on expletive marathon that rivaled Eddie Murphy. "Sonofableepfubeepshibeepholybeepcubeeplickercobeepsuckermotherbleepdambleephelbleepbleepbleep!"

She sat back in her seat silent and the back seats erupted into fits of laughter. I'm talking belly laughs, snorts, and giggles galore. I was speechless. I am not sure if I'm raising a comedian or the spawn of Satan. The Big Guy thinks I had an affair with a sailor. "You told me to get it all out" she said. She punctuated the rest of the short drive with short bursts of profanity. 

We had a wonderful dinner with my Great Aunt and a fabulous visit the next day with our cousins. Oh, and we found a Braum's! We don't have Braum's in our area so when we travel in the vicinity of a Braum's we get a little carried away. The Big Guy read the online bank statement- "Braum's! Braum's! Braum's! Braum's!" Yeah, well. It's good stuff. We also brought 6 cartons home on dry ice to share with the boys since they didn't get included in this trip.  

Rough Stuff, Fish, Little Bean, and Tuna enjoying their Braum's. 
It was a short trip, but nothing feeds the soul like a nice visit with distant family and good ice cream. It was a great way to end a crappy week. 

Progress report on the house: 
NADA. Zip. Zilch. Zero. 

Oh well, there is always next week month. (Just waiting on the big guy to get those splints off his wrists.)

By the way- Who tears up both wrists at the same time?! Who does that? What family visits multiple orthopedic doctors in one week and then tops the week off with a sprained neck while still recovering from a house fire? 

That's us. We do. The Whole Herd. Living life one catastrophe at a time so you don't have to. You're welcome.  

Sunday, March 3, 2013

Avoiding the Honey-Do List

The honey-do list is long...

Honey-do List:

Base boards
Linen closet shelves
Full-length mirror in master closet
Pegs for jewelry in master closet
Rails on Tuna's bed
Organize and unpack office
Laundry room shelves and rod  

And it won't be changing any time soon.

I like to say the Big Guy was a lot like Charlie Brown kicking the football in the Peanuts cartoons. He likes to tell people I pulled back the football and made him fall. Honestly, I was nowhere near him and I'm really sad about that. If I'd been closer, I would have snapped a photo on my phone because I could see this whole disaster unfolding. 

The driveway was cleared of snow, but a few patches of ice remained here and there. He was kicking a tub of snow out of the driveway so we wouldn't run over it with the truck. He kicked the tub several times and then rounded the corner of the house where I could no longer see him. I didn't need to see. I knew. I heard the last kick. Then I heard this sound. It was kind of a grunt wrapped in a sort of splat mingled with a sonofablip.  I rounded the corner and found the Big Guy flat on the ground in the slush just as I knew I would. 

And so begins the next chapter of our crazy lives. We meet the orthopedic specialist Monday morning. It should be refreshing. We get to visit the adult orthopedic clinic! Injuring both hands is one way to avoid the honey-do list. It is a little over the top if you ask me.