Tuesday, January 22, 2013

How Not To Do Surgery

How to Not Have a Successful Hip Impingement Surgery
Tips from Tuna

  • Address your surgeon as 'Mr. Dude'
  • Render your Morphine pump useless. 
  • Tolerate replacement pain medication with vomiting and nausea
  • Develop a fever and spend 10 hours in the emergency room
  • Develop a spontaneously draining hematoma and spend 6 hours in the emergency room
  • Get so loopy on 2nd replacement pain medication that you find the sound of your own voice absolutely hysterical. 
How to Make the Best Out of a Crappy Hip Surgery 
  • While looped up on pain medication, discover that your tongue is too big for your mouth. 
  • Wear Ninja Turtle PJs everywhere. 
  • Ask your siblings for fresh ice water 25 seconds after they sit down. 
  • Bling your crutches. 

Graffiti-print  duct tape-covered crutches. 

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