And then there was Tuesday. Tuesday was just dang special. A dear friend encouraged me to share this little tale. She said it made her laugh. Maybe it will make you laugh too. That's how I roll folks. I share my pain for your entertainment.
If you are of the "oh, TMI, TMI" crowd, you should just stop reading now. Then again, how exactly did you end up at this blog??
I had managed to log on and work for a short few minutes when I had to make an emergency run upstairs, because you know...I have no gallbladder now and apparently I really needed that thing. Don't get me wrong- it attacked me and I've ended our relationship without regret, but you know...we have to learn to live without each other now. Now, I don't actually run anywhere. I hit the first few steps jogging. By the 3rd step I was walking. By the 5th step I was hanging onto the rail and thinking that a nice sit on the stairs didn't sound like a bad idea. By the time I reached the top I was feeling faint and exhausted.
I could hear a commotion from the bathroom and when I emerged I discovered our yellow lab, Jenny running in circles with her head tipped in an awkward position. She had hooked her metal collar link in the carpet and as she ran frantic loops she was ripping a growing string from the carpet. You know, the carpet in the rental house where we would like to get our deposit refunded. I tackled her and tried to get her unhooked but she was wound up and the whole act was akin to wrestling a wet pig. I've never actually wrestled with a wet pig but it surely was exactly the same.
Jai, our Great Pyrenees (that is a small polar bear if you've never met one) decided this looked like great fun and tackled me. Jai was jumping and bucking like a bronco and bumping me in the process. I was trying desperately to protect my sore belly and stay on my feet. Jenny was panting and jumping in manic glee. The carpet was unraveling at an alarming rate. Finally, I freed the collar and unleashed a cussing at those dogs that could have rivaled a drunk sailor.
I went to wash my hands and proceeded to have a sneezing fit. Every sneeze left me groaning in pain and clutching my belly button. I was pretty sure if I didn't hold it tight enough it would actually open up and I might lose more than a gallbladder. I have irrational fears like that. I refused to remove my Steri-Strips after the surgery for fear that my incisions would pop open. It's been over 2 weeks and I still won't remove the glue. You just never know. I want those suckers sealed tight.
Anyhoo. Following a particularly disorienting sneeze, I tipped over a cup of Dr. Pepper I had carried up there and it poured over the counter and into the drawer and aimed itself in the direction of a brand new box of 300 Q-Tips. I rescued what I could of the Q-Tips and started trying to dry out the drawer. I grabbed a little plastic tray that held my 'beauty' products and started washing things off in the sink but the tray was hiding an open band-aid on the bottom (what is it with kids and band-aids for crying out loud!?) and it stuck to my hand and tipped and launched eyelash curlers and eye-cream and clippers and such all over the bathroom floor which was now covered in Dr. Pepper that was still flowing over the counter like a caffeinated fountain.
I screamed "son-of-a-biscuit" and a few more colorful things as I kicked the whole mess across the floor and walked out of the room. The dogs tucked their ears and tails low and pretended to ignore me. I went back downstairs and returned to my computer as if nothing had happened and decided I would clean the mess up later because surely later would be more productive than now had been.
So, that was Tuesday. But, alas, by Friday there were good things happening again.