Sunday, September 30, 2012

How to Clean the Family Room

It is 1:00 a.m. and I am sitting with a child in the emergency room. (No worries, we are all okay. Just one of the dips on the roller coaster we call life.) I need to finish up some work, but my brain is so sleep and/or caffeine deprived that I can not seem to function properly. In my sleep and caffeine deprived slap-happy state of stupid, I have decided it would be a great time to write a blog post.

I'm sure I will regret this tomorrow.

Before the trip to the ER began, the whole family was engaged in a power house cleaning, which really got me to thinking about how we do things in our house. And in my sleepy-stupid state I'm wondering if other people do things the way we do 'round here.

I don't know if y'all do it this way or not, but I'm pretty sure my way is the best way. So here you go...

How to Clean the Family Room: Limitleless Lisa Style 

Step 1-
Call all 5 kids into the family room to begin cleaning. 

Step 2-
Call all 5 kids back into the family room to begin cleaning. 

Step 3- 
Scream for all 5 kids to get back in the family room. 

Dare them to leave again before it is clean. 

Discuss with one child whether in fact the room is dirty and whether in fact any of the items in the room do indeed belong to her. 

Discuss with another child why the room must get cleaned now.

Try to figure out where the other 3 went while you were distracted. (They are slick that way.)

Step 4- 
While mumbling obscenities, walk around the family room and throw everything that does NOT belong in the family room into the floor. 

Hair bands, silly putty, hanger, skull-printed duct tape, American Girl doll hat, toenail clippers, school ID, tights, odd sock, hair comb, jeans, kitchen scissors, bead, library book, flip-flop (wait, that was mine), cell phone, cookie, half of an Easter egg, hair brush, dog leash (that's where that thing was!) and a wad of paper towel- throw it all out there, right in the middle of the floor. 

Demand that everything be picked up and put in the proper place immediately!

Step 5- 
Walk around family room and remove 90% of the items that were just in the middle of the floor from the various nooks and crannies the kids have stuffed them into. Throw it all back into the middle of the floor. 

Call all 5 kids BACK into the family room. 

Ground one from after-school activities for refusing to help. 

Ground one from phone for mumbling obscenities. (Where DO they learn that nasty language anyway?!)   

Promise to throw away anything that remains in the floor. (Except that flip-flop. That's mine.)   

Step 6- 
Pick up remaining 5 items and dump them in the trash can. 

Send crying kids to bed. 

That's it. Room clean. Easy peasy. 

What? That's not how you do it at your house?

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